The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
