So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
