so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Randomize
