So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
