Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
