Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Randomize
