How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I love having hate sex.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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