I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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