I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
