She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
