i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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