please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
