just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
