Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
