I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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