i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
