The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
