your room smells of hookers.
And success
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
