I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
