i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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