Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
