better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
