clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
