fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize
