her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
it's like iHOP with fire
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
