New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
