Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
