How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
