recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize