If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
