I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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