She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
