your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize