I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
