so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
