I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
