whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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