Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i just google imaged poop.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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