I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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