I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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