I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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