I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
