i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Hippo gnu deer
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize