He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
