Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
