My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
