I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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