the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
