woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
