From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
