Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
