It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
