Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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