insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
