You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Maybe he injected his testicle?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
