I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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