I got chris browned last night
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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