you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
