New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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