She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize