the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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