Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
