And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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