In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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