By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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