I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
