maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
