I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
