you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
