The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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