Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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