I have demons in me.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
