He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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