Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
