It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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