You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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