he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
