It's like a parade of train wrecks.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
