I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
