May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
