stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
