ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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