alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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