I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
