CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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