i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Randomize
