i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
