Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
