She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
