Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
