Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
