I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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